A long time ago, in a far-off country, a young man by the name of Luke pulled on his best trousers and a freshly ironed shirt. He was due to meet Rosemary, an English girl who had recently moved to his town, for a date.

He couldn't believe his luck. She was gorgeous, and he could help feeling that she was out of his league.

Now Luke couldn't speak a word of English, but Rosemary was fluent in his language. This only helped to increase Luke's sense of inadequacy, so Luke set off early for his date and stopped at the Beefeater's Arms, the local English pub, on the way.

He walked in, and immediately called for quiet, and asked if someone could teach him an English compliment that he could pay a beautiful lady.

An old sailor took a mouthful of beer and put down his glass. He wiped the foam from his beard and offered his reply. Luke couldn't quite get this, and was a little perplexed at how quickly the old sea-dog became irritated at this, but after a few minutes and several repetitions, Luke felt he had it nailed, so he sauntered happily to the restaurant where he was due to meet Rosemary.

He was still a bit early, so he sat at the bar and bought a pint. Soon enough, though, he saw Rosemary's unmistakable flaxen hair passing the window. As she passed through the door, Luke took another mouthful of ale to steady his nerves. As she prepared to sit down beside him, Luke fixed his eyes on hers and said, in a perfect Liverpudlian accent, "F--- off, I'm trying to enjoy a quiet pint."
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So, before you blunder into a web forum or mailing list asking for a free translation, think of poor Luke and the one that got away....